In response to recent CEO bailouts where the golden parachute worked beyond initial specifications, an Indiana electricial worker's union plans to introduce a new golden parachute with built-in time and weight limits.
"The golden parachutes they give CEO's today are just too darn strong," said a union representative whose lunchbox says "Ed" in big nailpolish letters. "When my union puts all our retirement funds into one of them hot IT companies, we don't want the CEO to take the whole cashbox when they bail out."
The first model, code name Carlton, will allow one jumper to carry no more than one year's salary. Ed says an upgrade planned for later this year will add time-based fabric degradation based on the half-life of gold.