Fact-based news and analysis about Information Technology is so last century. Iron Tulips offers the better story.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Saucer-based Conspiracy Behind Faked PLM Suicide, Part 1

The Iron Tulips Investigations Team has uncovered sinister evidence suggesting that the death of PLM (reported last week) may not have been a suicide.

Our first tip came when this man:

met our team on a dark street in Prague. Looking left and right nervously, he whispered a single phrase before disappearing into the night, "the saucer has landed."

After that, the trail led to Asia, where everything is served on a saucer and where seats of PLM are often given away by the thousands to unsuspecting customers who thought they were buying drafting software. The evidence was everywhere. In a bookstore:

on postcards:

More to come.

Friday, March 09, 2007

Despondent PLM Leaves Note, Commits Suicide

Product Lifecycle Management, known to friends as PLM, was found dead today in her Second Life apartment. Cause of death has been ruled as suicide.

Detectives at the scene found a note which has been authenticated as having been written by Ms. PLM. “I cant go on this way,” the note begins:

“I cant go on this way. Every one I meet has such high expectations for me. I just wanted to be free to have relationships, to network, and bring everybody together in love and harmony. Not even Wikipedia understands me. Goodbye, cruel world.”

Friends say Ms. PLM has been despondent for months regarding the “crushing burden of being all things to all people,” as PDM told this reporter. “And its no wonder. All this talk of convergence, of being at once an information strategy, an enterprise strategy and a transformational business strategy. It was just too much for her to handle. Personally, I think this new German guy hitting on her was the last straw. He was really pushy, you know?”

“Have you ever been forced to be innovative? Its not that easy,” ERP told Iron Tulips upon hearing the news of PLMs suicide. “There were a few times I thought about checking out, too. But now Ive found my inner bliss by sitting on the sidelines and watching Oracle and SAP wrestle.”

Confidential police records obtained by Iron Tulips say that PLM took her life by grabbing two live PR data feeds, one from Dassault Systèmes, the other from open source developer ARAS. “The mismatched data flows fried her like a fish on Friday night,” wrote the investigator.

Funeral arrangement are pending, since no one is sure who to contact as the official next of kin.