Detectives at the scene found a note which has been authenticated as having been written by Ms. PLM. “I can’t go on this way,” the note begins:
“I can’t go on this way. Every one I meet has such high expectations for me. I just wanted to be free to have relationships, to network, and bring everybody together in love and harmony. Not even Wikipedia understands me. Goodbye, cruel world.”
Friends say Ms. PLM has been despondent for months regarding the “crushing burden of being all things to all people,” as PDM told this reporter. “And it’s no wonder. All this talk of convergence, of being at once an information strategy, an enterprise strategy and a transformational business strategy. It was just too much for her to handle. Personally, I think this new German guy hitting on her was the last straw. He was really pushy, you know?”
“Have you ever been forced to be innovative? It’s not that easy,” ERP told Iron Tulips upon hearing the news of PLM’s suicide. “There were a few times I thought about checking out, too. But now I’ve found my inner bliss by sitting on the sidelines and watching Oracle and SAP wrestle.”
Confidential police records obtained by Iron Tulips say that PLM took her life by grabbing two live PR data feeds, one from Dassault Systèmes, the other from open source developer ARAS. “The mismatched data flows fried her like a fish on Friday night,” wrote the investigator.
Funeral arrangement are pending, since no one is sure who to contact as the official next of kin.