Fact-based news and analysis about Information Technology is so last century. Iron Tulips offers the better story.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Borg Scout Ship Reaches Earth, Short-Curcuits on Art

A scout ship from the Borg Collective reached planet Earth recently, but assimilation was thwarted and humanity saved when the Borg discovered human artwork.

A sample is here; follow the link for more.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

Proctor & Gamble, Colgate Gang Up to Sue Web 2.0 Cabal

The world’s two leading manufacturers of cleaning products today announced plans to sue every programmer who has ever dreamed of Web 2.0 riches, for appropriating and misusing the trademarked names Ajax and Comet.

“We looked the other way when somebody called a slick new programming paradigm SOAP,” said P. Freemore Daily, Second Assistant Deputy to Senior Council at Colgate-Palmolive. “‘Soap,’ after all, is a generic term. But when another so-called clever programmer decided to name a Web 2.0 hack after our Ajax, we took a dim view of this rather specious use of our trademarked term.”

“Now that yet another gunslinger has tried to make a name for himself by using the name of a cleaning product formerly owned by Proctor & Gamble to describe this nebulous Web 2.0 crap, we say enough is enough” said Pander Sidious, corporate council for Proctor & Gamble. “Courts exist so that big corporations like ours can sue the pants of these two-bit programmers who live on a steady diet of Cheese Whiz and donuts. And that’s exactly what we’re going to do."

Despite the announcement, no filing has yet been recorded with any court in the U.S; rumor has it that the P&G/Colgate dynamic duo may first merge so that their combined resources can be more efficiently thrown at any pending trademark defense. As Sidious noted, "It's going to take a while to hunt down and sue every single one of these Web 2.0 programmers. They are like cockroaches--shine a light on them and they scurry into the corners."

Monday, April 10, 2006

Think Twice About That Basket of Candy on Your Doorstep

Erstwhile undercover video reporters have proven conclusively that The Easter Bunny Hates You.

Remember, you have been warned.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Iron Tulips Consider Legal Action Against India Daily

"Iron Tulips is not amused," says our editor, who prefers to remain anonymous in case his mother starts surfing the web. "We are talking to our lawyers. The kind of technology news they are reporting is our turf. It's just not fair!"

What has our editor's knickers so twisted? It seems India Daily regularly kicks IT's proverbial boo-tay by scooping us on the really nifty technology stories. In April alone, India Daily has been first with such important technology news as:

What is even more baffling is why India Daily covers technology so well, yet in their politics section has to create such obviously phony stories as the Prime Minister of Canada looking forward to the upcoming visit by India's prime minister. India Daily, how gullible do you think we really are?