Fact-based news and analysis about Information Technology is so last century. Iron Tulips offers the better story.

Monday, January 22, 2007

Spar Point Research Refuses Sponsorship Request

Spar Point Research, a technology research firm that sponsors an annual conference on the use of 3D laser scanning for the built environment, recently turned down a request from a vendor to be the Official Toilet Paper Sponsor for Spar 2007.

"We were livid when they told us no," said Sue Spamwad, a marketing bimbo for Urgent PLM, Inc.. "We have been the Official Toilet Paper Sponsor at That Other Conference for years. We were always told it was a premium opportunity, and we paid through the nose for it. I can't believe Spar Point won't give us the same treatment."

When reached directly by phone without benefit of hiding behind layers of "press 4 for marketing," a Spar Point representative said Urgent PLM "will just have to get used to being treated differently by us. If companies are mad because all we sell to vendors at our conference is booth space, that's tough."

Coffee Break is Over

Once upon a time a man exited this mortal veil and found himself standing at the brimstone gates. Antisaint Peter met him there and offered the disraught fellow three possible, very permanent habitats. "But once you make the decision, it is final. Choose carefully."

Behind Door Number 1 our lost soul saw an endless room with people standing shoulder-high in ripe, putrid animal dung and rotting dead flesh. Behind Door Number 2 he saw a gymnasium-sized room filled with people standing waist-deep in ripe, putrid animal dung. Disgusted by what he saw in the first two rooms, Mr. Dead Guy was doing his best imitation of prayer as he walked toward Door Number Three. Antisaint Peter opened the door, and our departed fellow saw a well-lit and nicely decorated room, where several people were standing around chatting and enjoying fine coffee. There was a knee-high layer of mildly aged semi-liquified cow dung.

"Oh, Antisaint Peter! My prayers have been answered. I don't have to think for a second. I'll take this third room!"

"You are finished," came the reply and immediately the man found himself standing in the room with a cup of coffee exactly the way he liked it back in First Life.

He was just about to ask someone for a second cup of triple-shot skinny mocha extra hot, hold the whipped cream when a loud klaxton sounded. A fat, ugly demon wearing only a barista's apron croaked out in a loud voice with more than a trace of boredom, "Already everybody. Coffee break's over. Back on your heads!"

Iron Tulips has been on a coffee break for a while. But there is good news to report. The coffee break is over, we're back to standing everything on its head.